Getting Started with Sex Toys: A Beginner's Guide

Everyone starts somewhere — and the secret nobody tells you is that doing this well is mostly about going slow, using enough lube, and choosing body-safe gear you actually feel good about. No experience required, and no judgment here. This is the friendly, plain-language version of everything we wish someone had told us at the beginning.

Start smaller than you think

The most common first-timer mistake isn’t picking the “wrong” toy — it’s picking a big one. Sizing down is the smart move: a smaller toy tells you it’ll fit and feel good, and you can always work up from there. Buying your very first toy? An external, clitoral-style vibrator is the most intuitive and most-loved place to begin — forgiving, easy to use, and quietly effective. For internal or anal exploration the same rule holds twice over: start gentle and let your body set the ceiling.

Body-safe materials, decoded

“Body-safe” isn’t marketing — it’s a real, checkable thing. Non-porous materials like 100% silicone, borosilicate glass and stainless steel don’t harbour bacteria, are easy to clean, and (for glass and steel) work with any lube. Porous materials can’t be fully sanitised, so for anything internal or shared, non-porous is the confident choice. If a listing doesn’t say what it’s made of, that tells you something too. When in doubt, silicone is the friendly default — with the one rule in the next section.

Lube is not optional (and the one rule that matters)

Lube is the single most underrated upgrade in the bedroom, and the wrong one can quietly ruin a good night. The friendly all-rounder is water-based: safe with every toy material, feels great, rinses off easily. Silicone-based lasts longer and is lovely for unhurried or in-water play — with one important exception: silicone lube can slowly degrade silicone toys, so pair silicone toys with water-based lube (or use a condom as a barrier). Oil-based products and massage oils are for skin and hands only — they break down latex condoms and some toy materials. And for anything anal: this area doesn’t self-lubricate, so lube there isn’t optional — it’s the main event. Use more than you think you need.

Go slow — comfort is the whole game

If there’s one theme across every good guide ever written, it’s this: it should never hurt. Warm up, relax, breathe, and give yourself permission to take your time. With plugs and internal toys, ease in gradually and build up over separate sessions rather than pushing through in one. Exploring with a partner? A quick “how’s that?” does more for the night than any gadget — and each of you naming one thing you’d like to try turns it into a shared adventure instead of a test.

The few safety basics that keep it fun

None of this is scary — it’s just what lets you relax and enjoy. Anything used anally needs a flared base so it stays where it should. Cock rings and nipple clamps work by gently restricting blood flow, so keep those sessions short (around 15–20 minutes) and stop if anything feels numb or cold. Adding restraint or sensation play? Agree on a safeword, keep a quick-release within reach, and never leave a restrained partner alone.

Keep it clean

Body-safe stays body-safe with a simple routine: clean toys before and after every use with a proper toy cleaner or mild soap and water, dry them fully, and store them somewhere clean. That’s the whole ritual — a few seconds that make everything more hygienic and longer-lasting.

Questions, answered

What should my first toy be?

For most people, an external/clitoral vibrator — it’s the most intuitive and forgiving. Start gentle; you can always explore more later.

What lube should I buy first?

Water-based. It’s safe with every toy, easy to clean up, and the natural all-rounder. Add a silicone or oil option later for specific moments.

How do I know what size to get?

Smaller than you think. A size that goes in easily and feels comfortable beats an ambitious one every time — and you can size up once you know what you like.

Is any of this “normal”?

Completely. Curiosity is normal, solo play is healthy and common, and there’s no wrong way to enjoy your own body — with a partner or on your own.

Beginner-friendly picks

Where to go next

Her First Vibrator Kit — an easy, complete starting point
The Anal Starter Kit — if you're curious about anal play
All Bundles & Kits — curated sets for every occasion
More from Learn · Buying Guides

This article is general educational information, not medical advice. Everyone's body is different — if you have pain, a health condition, or specific concerns, please talk to a qualified healthcare provider.

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